Men, fathers in particular, have long been seen as this strong unmovable presence that can never and should never break down, especially in front of their children. If you do, you’re considered a weakling. That puts too much pressure on you to be a mentally fit father, especially for first-time dads.
Fortunately, that is not the case anymore or at least, it shouldn’t be. More and more dads are opening up about their mental health. This is a good thing as the number of people, men in particular, succumbing to their depression has been on the rise lately.
The likes of Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, Chris Cornell, and Anthony Bourdain, all of whom are all dads, are just some of the prominent names that have taken their own lives after dealing with mental health issues for so long.
Challenges OF Being A New Dad
Much has been said about the physical and mental stress brought about by pregnancy on mothers. While this should never be argued, some people forget that fathers are also susceptible to stress and anxiety during pregnancy. In fact, 50% of men will suffer from depression if the mother also has post-natal depression.
Fathers don’t carry the baby in their wombs but they have to deal with the pressure of being a new dad. They have to think about the financial factor of having a family. You need to pay for the hospital expenses and the needs of both mom and baby. It doesn’t stop there. Once the baby is born, you have the rest of your days to make sure she lives a happy and healthy life.
Finances are not the only stress-inducing thing parents, especially dads, have to deal with. You also have to help out with taking care of the baby, doing chores, and everything else that will keep the family thriving. That means less rest and sleep for you, as well.
Some new fathers are unable to bond with their babies for various reasons. Couples also struggle with their sex life after having a baby and this may take a toll on their relationship. All these contribute to post-natal depression.
Being a mentally fit father can be a struggle, especially for first-time dads. While the joy of being a father will always be there, the pressure of being a good one is not too far behind.
Learn more about depression in new dads here and here.
Stress At Work
Stress is quite common in the workplace. Employees are expected to perform well since their job stability depends on it. If you fail miserably on a project, for example, here’s a high chance you’ll be given the pink slip.
Aside from the pressure of doing your job right, you also have to deal with people, some of which are a little too much to handle. If you have demanding bosses and toxic co-workers, the environment can be a little too stressful.
Couple that with a new baby and you have the perfect formula for extreme stress and depression. Moms get days off when they are pregnant or have their baby. You may want to use your leaves during this time, as well, to lessen your load and to help out at home.
How to Be A Mentally Fit Father
If you really want to be the father you can be, you must deal with your mental health issues. Accepting you need help is not enough. You must do something to help you cope and become the better version of yourself for your family, especially your new-born child.
Get Help
Michael Phelps, Olympian, swimmer extraordinaire and proud dad, talked about how bad it got for him that he locked himself in his room for “four to five days not wanting to be alive.” During those gruesome days, Phelps didn’t want to talk to anyone. Fortunately, he came to a realization that he needed help, that he “couldn’t do it alone.”
Admitting you’re not a mentally fit father is probably the most difficult things to do. It’s also the most important step you’ll make. Set aside any belief that getting help is a sign of weakness.
Talk to your spouse about what you think is happening with you. You also need to let the rest of your family know. Your parents, siblings and even close friends will be your support group. You may even want to talk with other dads about their own experiences. You’re lucky if you find a confidante who has gone or is going through the same thing you are. He may help you become a mentally fit father.
Finally, schedule a visit with a professional to go through with your road to being a more mentally fit father. Once you’re diagnosed with depression, it will never be easy. You’ll need all the help you can get.
Physical Exercise
According to Men’s Journal, staying fit physically is one way to keep your metal state in great condition. A study conducted by neurologist Kan Ding of the Peter O’Donnell Jr. Brain Institute in UT Southwestern showed that physically fit people were more likely to have better brain health. They discovered that the white matter or the nerve bundles that are connected to brain function, communication and the ability to learn works better when people are physically healthy.
With that in mind, it’s time to take the old running shoes out of the closet and see if they’re still in good condition. If not, you better get a new pair that is perfect for your feet. Remember, ill-fitting shoes increase the risk of injury and we certainly don’t want that.
Athletes side-lined by injuries go through severe stress and many are diagnosed with depression. This is completely understandable since they earn their keep playing the sport the love. Taking that out of the equation is definitely a recipe for depression.
Take It One Day At A Time
Depression and other forms of mental illness is a lifelong battle. One day you feel fine and the next you’re so depressed that thoughts of ending it all cross your mind. Don’t get too pressured to get well as soon as possible.
Plasticity Labs’ Jennifer Moss, author of Unlocking Happiness at Work, said in Psychology Today that it is better “to shut down stress or block any loss or frustration.” Do this every time you feel down.
Improve Your Mental Condition
Take up meditation. Your mind will greatly benefit from doing meditation exercises. Use 10 to 15 minutes of your time after walking up and before going to bed to meditate. If you practice mindfulness, you’ll find yourself less stressed thus avoiding developing depression and other mental health issues.
Yoga combines physical and mental exercises so you may want to take that up too. Find a way to do your tree poses and downward dogs regularly. Take it up with the wife, if possible.
It also pays to calm the mind. After a stressful day at work, give yourself a few minutes to recharge at home. This way you’ll be primed to do what needs to be done at home.
Take a nice warm bath. Turn your bathroom into a spa by using essential oils that help soothe the mind and calm the nerves.
Stress, depression and other mental conditions are no laughing matter. They are real problems that need real solutions. It may be more difficult for new dads but you must persevere to become a mentally fit father.
If you have other suggestions on how to become a mentally fit father, please comment below. Go to The Gentleman Pirate if you wish to learn about stress-relieving activities such as hiking, backpacking, and camping.
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